What are the Psychological Stages of Grief?

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The Popular Model for Grief

Grief is the most intensely studied of all the psychological conflicts, as grief is a universal response to pain and loss. There is no minimal age for experiencing grief, nor a set norm for recovery from grief. It’s a natural emotion, considered healthy, even a necessary part of the healing process. Where there is disagreement is in the psychological stages of grief.

The most common view held on the stages of grief were presented by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, “On Death and Dying”. She proposed there were five natural stages; denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Processing Grief

Since Kubler-Ross’ publication, several other models have been presented, breaking down the psychological stages of grief into as many as seven to twelve steps, yet the basic structure remains the same. Under the model, the initial reaction will be to retreat from the immediate situation. Refusal to immediately believe with grievous news or push it aside and dwell on other thoughts is common while the mind buffers the first shock of losing a loved one or news of a terminal illness.

It the second stage, there is anger, sometimes misdirected at family members and friends, sometimes anger with ourselves at a perceived failure, sometimes at the deceased for having “left” us. We then graduate into the bargaining stage, thinking of the things we could have done to help prevent the outcome. The period of self-blame may last a long time, helping to torment our way into depression. The final closure is acceptance, which is distinguished from depression as the coping skills used to move on and rebuild our lives after a period of grief. Not all those who experience grief actually achieve the acceptance stage. The goal of counselors guiding their clients through the psychological stages of grief is to help them acquire acceptance and return to their normal lives.

A Closer Look at Grief

Psychologists today believe we need a more flexible model than the iconic five stages of grief. Researchers have demonstrated that the model used was limited in demographics and social setting. Grief is a universal response, but culture and ethnicity may change the way we demonstrate grief and the coping skills we use. The stages of grief cannot be evaluated on an individual basis. Each person responds to grief in a different manner, going through stages that may include shock, fear, agitation, inability to concentrate or withdrawal.

Developing a model delivers an expectancy of the normal psychological stages of grief, which can actually be harmful to the grieving client. Clients given a grief model may feel they must laboriously plow through each step before they can complete the healing process. They are handed obligatory emotions and may even feel there is an obligatory length of time for completing each step if they are to function as “normal” people.

There simply is no normal length of time for coping with grief. Bereavement is not something people just get over, even years later the memories still ache. The difference is in those who learn to handle their grief, so they can continue on with their daily lives and even appreciate the joys of living again, and those who have let their grief overcome them, affecting their ability to cope with everyday tasks and their relationships with others.